So You Wanna Write a Book: Making the Cut

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Now that you’ve finished the first draft of your book, it’s time for the excruciating part: editing. Some people view editing as a way to fix those little spelling and grammatical errors that get in the way of a good read. But any writer worth their ink knows that’s just a small part of the process. Read on to learn how and what to cut from your manuscript during the editing process.

Get Rid of Unnecessary Sentences, Paragraphs, Scenes

Give your story momentum by striking passages that don’t move the story forward (no matter how lovely the prose). A scene thrown in simply to fill in the time between two important events looks like…well…a purposeless scene. And please, please, PLEASE don’t use that time to have characters discuss the weather or other mundane topics. “But I want it to seem realistic,” you might argue. “This is how regular people talk.” Yes. But you are writing fiction. Regular people discuss the weather because they can’t escape one another and have nothing else in common to talk about. Your reader can escape by putting down your book and forgetting it ever existed. Don’t give him or her a reason to do so because your book has “extremely realistic dialog.”

One of the tricks I tell writers is to get rid of the first chapter and see what happens. Many times the second chapter is a much stronger starting point. It’s amazing how many writers, even seasoned ones, start out their books with “information dump.” It’s as if the author has decided that in order for the reader to thoroughly understand their character, the author must reveal every important detail of that character’s past. But think about it this way: have you ever met someone who told you everything about their life in the exhausting first couple of hours of getting to know them? It’s a lot of information to take in all at once, isn’t it? You might even become confused over who was who in their story and what exactly happened and to whom and where. It sure is a lot of details to have to work out in your head. And after they’ve told you everything…there really isn’t much else to learn, is there? So think about THAT before dumping everything into a reader’s lap.

But let’s say you are positive Chapter One should stay where it is. You’ve started at a strong place where the reader becomes immersed in the story. You haven’t thrown in so much background material that it sounds like a laundry list of what you want the reader to know. But…you may have these issues and not even have thought about it:

Run-on sentences:

Really long, rambling sentences that have a lot of different subject matter mashed together. Separate sentences by subject matter, please! And vary your sentences so that some are short an punchy, others more expository. Cut any words that aren’t useful to the sentence. Your mantra should be: Doesn’t flow? Let it go.

Subject Redundancy:

This is a tricky one because you might not notice it at first. Basically, you give the reader information. Then, explain it again in a different way, almost as if you worry the reader won’t get what you meant the first time around. Or maybe your character tells another character about something that has happened, and then later in the chapter, this character explains it all over again to another character. Ugh. Once the reader knows something, it’s not necessary to keep repeating this information unless it needs to be brought up later in the book as a reminder for the reader. But you should be okay sharing this information just once per chapter. Slash subject redundancy from your work.

Word Redundancy: 

A second set of eyes will help you with this one. You might discover your favorite word is “just” or “suddenly.” Or maybe you have a crush on the word “perfect.” (The flowers were perfect. The weather was perfect. The couple had a perfect time.) Using the “Find” feature on your computer will help you delete and replace these sneaky, overly-loved words. You may also discover most of your sentences start with “She.” Use the person’s first name once in while, but don’t let that be your default. Concentrate on finding a different way to structure the sentence. [One caveat: A lot of newbies start their sentences with “-ing” words. An example: Varying sentences will help create less redundancy. But note the sentence is now passive. Better: To create less redundancy, vary your sentences. Don’t get in the habit of starting sentences with “-ing” just to change things up! They become exhausting to read. Strike as many of those “-ing” sentence starts as you can from your work.]

So now you’ve purged repeated words and redundant subjects from your manuscript, prevented information dump, and found the perfect start to your chapters. Now what? Well, I find that sometimes entire scenes can be moved or deleted. Yup. Kid you not. Entire. Scenes. “But why?” you cry. “I love when my character finds a flower and weaves it into a wind chime.” But here’s the question to ask yourself: Does it move the story forward? Does it help with plot, conflict, or characterization? Is it thematic? Does it show up in other areas of your novel? Does it have symbolic meaning and play into the storyline? If you can’t answer yes to any of these questions…sorry to say, it needs to go. Otherwise, readers will be scratching their heads wondering what it’s supposed to mean. Is it a metaphor for something? Will the flower-wind-chime come into play later and save the day? The reader will be watching for the answer…waiting to see where this oddity plays out. If you insist on having it in your book for your own, personal enjoyment, expect a disappointed reader. They usually leave bad reviews, by the way.

To recap: Sometimes editing your work means deleting sentences, paragraphs, and scenes. Sometimes, this is painful. But it will streamline your novel.

This is a five-part series developed by K.L. Gore for Lilac City Rochester Writers, presented on October 27th, 2018.

Coming Up Next:

-Ridding your work of the dreaded “-ly” adverbs, and what to use in substitution

-Locating dull or repetitive words and cliche phrases that put readers to sleep

-Fixing pacing issues that either slow the story down or rush a scene into confusion

-Discovering where your character’s arc has flattened

Drawn-out Dialogue

          Tina, the airhead, the complete fool. She’s wearing some ugly sweater today.

          Mark noticed her face looked as if someone had mistaked it for play-doh.

          Yeah, he laughed to himself, she’s a complete imbecil.

          She turned around and met his eyes, then she smiled.

           Mark nudged Jon and mouthed something to him and they laughed.

          “Isn’t she so stuck up?” Mark added to his first insulting message.

           “Oh yeah.” John said. “Yeah, she thinks she’s so pretty and all. She’s a dog.” Then he cupped his hands over his mouth and whispered “woof woof” loud enough for Tina to hear.

            She turned back around in a huff as the two boys laughed heartily.

            Mrs. Michaels looked from the test papers she was correcting and told them to get back to work.

            As they walked out of class, Mark and Jon yelled, “woof woof” at Tina. She held up her head and met Kris and Donna at the stairway.

            Mark then turned to Jon, “Hey, how come that other girl with the blonde hair isn’t with them?”

            “Who? Rellie?” Jon asked.

            “Yeah, I guess so. She’s always hanging around Kris. Or at least, she used to.”

            “I don’t know. Maybe she got smart and left the group.” Jon laughed.

            “Tina’s the worst, Kris and the rest aren’t so bad.”

            “Okay, you got a point there. That Rellie girl, she’s a depresso-maniac. I heard that one day she had a fit and broke five windows in this dumb school with her fist.”

            “Is that true?” Mark asked, shocked.

            “Well, that’s what I heard.”

            “No way!” Mark exclaimed. “With her fist?”

            “Real smart girl.” Jon said sarcastically.

            “Yeah.” Mark laughed.

            “Smashed five windows…” Mark mused as they walked to their next class.

 

First off, I need to point something very important out. When writing a story, every scene must serve a purpose. This scene doesn’t seem to serve much purpose, except for relaying that two boys in Rellie’s school are jerks and they think she’s nuts. I could place these boys in another scene that has a true purpose and relay the information that these boys bully Rellie there instead and snip this scene from the story. And as far has telling the reader that these guys think Rellie is nuts…well, a lot of scenes in the story inform us that the kids in the school think Rellie has a screw loose, so this one isn’t necessary. But I could also give this scene a purpose, and keep it in the story. Decisions, decisions. Truly? I’d chuck the scene. But I’m here to use this as a teaching tool, so here is how I’d revamp the scene.

First, let’s take a look at the scene’s introduction:

Tina, the airhead, the complete fool. She’s wearing some ugly sweater today.

Mark noticed her face looked as if someone had mistaked it for play-doh.

 

My Big Mistake? I have the first sentence coming off as either first person or close third. But the next sentence sounds more like distant third or even omniscient. There are a couple ways I could fix this. Here is how I’d write this in close third:

Mark had to swallow a chuckle. Airheaded Tina, whose brain could fit inside one of her bras A-cups, had on something that could only be described as trash meets vomit. And what was with the makeup? You’d need a spatula to scrape it off.

Distant third:

Mark had always considered Tina to be one stop sign short of a car accident, but now he eyed her up and down, taking in the unflattering sweater, her God-awful makeup. Stupid is as stupid does, he thought as he suppressed a chuckle. If there was one thing Mark was talented at, it was sizing people up.

           

The second example sounds more like a narrator talking to us, doesn’t it? That’s the big difference between close third and distant third. Close third puts us right in the character’s head. Distant third is a watchful observer explaining a story and its characters to us.

Okay, next on my list of changes is this passage:

           Yeah, he laughed to himself, she’s a complete imbecil.

          She turned around and met his eyes, then she smiled.

          Mark nudged Jon and mouthed something to him and they laughed.

          “Isn’t she so stuck up?” Mark added to his first insulting message.

           “Oh yeah.” John said. “Yeah, she thinks she’s so pretty and all. She’s a dog.” Then he cupped his hands over his mouth and whispered “woof woof” loud enough for Tina to hear.

            She turned back around in a huff as the two boys laughed heartily.

            Mrs. Michaels looked from the test papers she was correcting and told them to get back to work.

Besides the grammatical and spelling errors, which as I reader I want to have corrected, the setting hasn’t been established until the teacher looks up. I’d thought they were in the school hallway up until this point! Plus, what’s this knowing what Mark is thinking and saying up until he mouths something to Jon? What the heck did he mouth? Why not tell the reader? We get that it was rude with the next sentence, when he “added to his first insulting message,” but why put it that way? Why not just tell the reader what Mark said? Perhaps I wanted to frustrate the reader? Or, more than likely, I couldn’t come up with something nasty enough for him to say so I figured, let the reader do the hard work and come up with it him/herself. Not a good strategy, by the way.

           Mrs. Michaels looked from the test papers she was correcting and told them to get back to work.

            As they walked out of class, Mark and Jon yelled, “woof woof” at Tina. She held up her head and met Kris and Donna at the stairway.

The biggest problem? The teacher tells them to get back to work and they walk out of class. Uh…huh?

          Mark then turned to Jon, “Hey, how come that other girl with the blonde hair isn’t with them?”

            “Who? Rellie?” Jon asked.

            “Yeah, I guess so. She’s always hanging around Kris. Or at least, she used to.”

            “I don’t know. Maybe she got smart and left the group.” Jon laughed.

            “Tina’s the worst, Kris and the rest aren’t so bad.”

            “Okay, you got a point there. That Rellie girl, she’s a depresso-maniac. I heard that one day she had a fit and broke five windows in this dumb school with her fist.”

            “Is that true?” Mark asked, shocked.

            “Well, that’s what I heard.”

            “No way!” Mark exclaimed. “With her fist?”

            “Real smart girl.” Jon said sarcastically.

            “Yeah.” Mark laughed.

            “Smashed five windows…” Mark mused as they walked to their next class.

Here is where the boys’ conversation goes majorly downhill. It’s tedious. Dull. The boys have the exact same voice, I can’t differentiate them. And this part: “No way!” Mark exclaimed.  Um…I think the exclamation point already tells us Mark is exclaiming. It’s redundant to follow up with this narrative.

Plus, why wouldn’t Mark know Rellie’s name? He acts like he doesn’t. But a) the name is unusual and b) if Rellie is a nut job and kids gossip about her, of course he’d remember her name. Him not remembering doesn’t ring true. And wouldn’t Mark have heard that Rellie smashed the school’s windows? Even if it wasn’t true? I mean, his buddy Jon knows about it. Why wouldn’t he? Makes no sense.

Back to the dialogue. What we need here is a purpose. What information might they relay to the reader that could turn this scene around and give it a reason to stick around? Here’s a possibility:

           The bell rang, dismissing Mark and Jon from their class. They gathered their books, dumped them into their backpacks, and headed for the hallway already crowded with students.

            Tina slipped past them, and Mark breathed in the vanilla musk she always wore. A scent that made him heady. He took in her long, lean legs shown off by a short skirt. Despite being the beginning of spring her gams were tanned. Stunning. Not that he’d let anyone know he wouldn’t mind touching them. “Woof, woof,” he called after her. He nudged Jon. “What a dog, right?”

            “Oh yeah. Definitely.” Jon wasn’t looking at Tina, though. His head was turned toward the drinking fountain where Kris Taylor was leaned over, gulping away like a thirsty fish. “Wonder why she doesn’t hang with Rellie no more?”

            “Kris? So what? You got a thing for Rellie these days, man?” Mark snickered and stole another glance at Tina. She was at her locker, turning the combination. He wondered what those fingers would feel like on him. She always wore light pink nail polish, a huge turn-on.

            Jon socked him in the gut, and Mark was forced to turn his attention away from Tina. “No way,” Jon said. “Rellie’s bi-polar, dude.”

            “For real?” He’d learned about people who were bi-polar in psych class, but never knew one.

            “You think if someone goes smashing her fist through a window she’s normal?”

            “I put my fist through a door, and I’m not messed up,” Mark said. It was over a girl and his mother grounded him for two weeks.

            “We’re talking about Rellie here, dude.”

 

The purpose of this scene is two-fold. We learn that Mark has a big-time crush on Tina but won’t admit it even to himself, and we learn that Rellie smashed a window at school, and notice Mark knows about it. I didn’t have to tell the reader this. It’s obvious in the conversation. We also learn that Kris and Rellie don’t seem to be close anymore. Oh, and I changed five windows to one because it’s highly unlikely a person could go through with putting a fist through more than one, their hand would be shredded and the pain would be excruciating. Could it happen? Maybe. But one smashed window has a big enough effect, I don’t need to overdo it.

The dialogue has been broken up by thoughts and action. One kid uses “dude,” the other uses “man.” Their voices are slightly different. Their attitudes come through: Jon sounds savvy, Mark not so much. And we learn a lot through their dialogue, even though they say less than they do in the unedited piece I wrote as a teen.

So here is the lesson: remember setting (note how I had them leave the classroom and watch the goings-on in the school hallway), give the conversation a purpose (relaying important information to the reader), and throw in action and thought to make your scene come alive.

Scene Clarity

Here is another scene from the novel the teen me wrote about Rellie. I’m cheating a little because the scene is not complete, but the original scene went on for pages and pages, and it was tedious to read, much less type. As usual, the entire scene sounds more like a summary. And the characters are two-dimensional and unrealistic. And I don’t know who is telling this part of the story because I don’t mention it until page three (and then I discover it’s Rellie’s friend, Kris). So this is very confusing. Here is how I have it originally written (including a couple of spelling errors. Can you find them?):

As quickly as it began, it disappeared. All the talk about Rellie faded away and Rellie resumed her place in school.

But alone.

She spoke to nobody unless spoken to first, and even then it was in short phrases or sentences. She always looked as if she never got any sleep, and she began to get dizzy spells in classes.

But, nobody seemed to care after awhile. They had their own problems. If Rellie did something unusual (like walk out of a classroom for no reason at all) it would be spread around, but most people just passed it off as soon as it came to them, and soon, people began to take for granted that Rellie was just a little off the wall and no one would do anything about it.

Except for Mr. Thomas. He took inventory of everything that was happening to Rellie. He was interested in it. Even when he noticed nobody payed any attention to Rellie’s moods anymore, he continued his research on her.

One day, when he saw her in the hall, he asked her what happened to all the “attention” she had before.

Angrily, she walked away.

Otherwise—everything was fine.

Until…

I heard that waters are very calm just before a violent storm.

Let me tell you, this is true, especially for Rellie.

Some say Mr. Thomas started it. They say he became ruder and ruder to her everyday, asking her how her parents died and if she was glad because of all the attention she was getting now.

Others said that she couldn’t take the students in school ignoring her, and her now frequent failing marks on her test papers.

Still others say she was really on drugs the whole time, and this time it became worse.

I think it was because everything was still bottled up inside of her, like her grandmother was saying.

Whatever became of those tests, I don’t know, but I don’t think they could have ever prepared anyone for something like this.

Let’s go over this piece by painstaking piece. The first paragraph doesn’t make much sense. The writer must not assume that the reader knows what he/she is talking about when they write the scene’s introduction. Here is the paragraph in question:

As quickly as it began, it disappeared. All the talk about Rellie faded away and Rellie resumed her place in school.

As quickly as what began? We can assume the author means “all the talk,” but if that’s the case, why not write: “As quickly as all the talk about Rellie began, it faded away.” Even better would be more information from the POV character so that we know a) who is speaking (if there are multiple viewpoints in the story) and b) the scene’s setting. Also, what does it mean when Rellie “resumed her place in school”? Was she not attending school up until now? Or does this mean she returns back to her former self, doing all the things she used to do? This is not clear to us at all. Let’s move on to the next portion of the scene and see if we will receive a clue:

But alone.

She spoke to nobody unless spoken to first, and even then it was in short phrases or sentences. She always looked as if she never got any sleep, and she began to get dizzy spells in classes.

But, nobody seemed to care after awhile. They had their own problems. If Rellie did something unusual (like walk out of a classroom for no reason at all) it would be spread around, but most people just passed it off as soon as it came to them, and soon, people began to take for granted that Rellie was just a little off the wall and no one would do anything about it.

Okay. First off, this doesn’t sound like she’s resumed her place in school so much as she’s changed her persona. Plus, this whole “they had their own problems” is very vague. People have “their own problems” all the time and are still quite invested in other people and their troubles. I do like that the character says that Rellie walked out of a classroom for “no reason at all,” because that is a great personal POV. The author understand why the character walks out of the classroom, but not the character who is telling the story. It’s tough to separate author from character, and here I have to applaud the younger me for seeing this through.

My biggest complaint about this scene, however, is that I could be showing all this happening, and it would create a much bigger emotional impact for the reader.

Except for Mr. Thomas. He took inventory of everything that was happening to Rellie. He was interested in it. Even when he noticed nobody payed any attention to Rellie’s moods anymore, he continued his research on her.

One day, when he saw her in the hall, he asked her what happened to all the “attention” she had before.

Angrily, she walked away.

Okay, I hate this part of the story. Yes. HATE it. Why? First off, this doesn’t sound like a teacher at all. Of course, if I want the teacher to behave this way I need to convince the reader by establishing Mr. Thomas’s character and have a dialogue occur between him and Rellie that is subtle enough for the reader and Rellie to pick up on his distrust and annoyance with Rellie, but his words not sound so childish. Also, since we are in Kris’s POV, and she is a teen, how does she understand Mr. Thomas is taking “inventory” of everything that is happening to Rellie? She couldn’t know unless she was Mr. Thomas. Also, I’ve used an –y adverb when I could do a much better job by showing Rellie’s anger. Even writing “Rellie stormed off” does a better job than saying she angrily walked away.

Otherwise—everything was fine.

Until…

I heard that waters are very calm just before a violent storm.

Let me tell you, this is true, especially for Rellie.

I laughed when I read this. I think I was being dramatic when I wrote it, but it comes off as strange. Otherwise everything was fine? You have a girl who hardly speaks, a teacher trying to get under her skin, kids whispering about Rellie and then ignoring her…and otherwise everything is fine? Isn’t all that enough to show that things aren’t fine?

The part that really got to me was the over-the-top “Until…” Ooh. I’m getting nervous. Until what? Do tell before I fall off my chair in anticipation.

The “until” does nothing for the reader. Oh wait. I take that back. It does. It confuses the reader because if you add the next sentence it sounds like: Until I heard I heard that waters are very calm just before a violent storm.

Ah. Everything was fine until the character heard that saying. Uh, right.

The last sentence gives us good character voice, but we’ve gone from third person to omniscient (with Mr. Thomas’s motivations well known) to first person talking to an invisible listener. (The reader?) Wow. This scene is full of confusion.

Some say Mr. Thomas started it. They say he became ruder and ruder to her everyday, asking her how her parents died and if she was glad because of all the attention she was getting now.

Others said that she couldn’t take the students in school ignoring her, and her now frequent failing marks on her test papers.

Still others say she was really on drugs the whole time, and this time it became worse.

I think it was because everything was still bottled up inside of her, like her grandmother was saying.

Whatever became of those tests, I don’t know, but I don’t think they could have ever prepared anyone for something like this.

So now we have other students taking note of Mr. Thomas observing Rellie. Would he really say all those things to Rellie? Especially in front of witnesses? I could understand it if another student acted that way toward her, and in my rewrite, that’s what I would do. All the gossip I would handle through either Facebook posts or text messages. More overt, less public. The sentence about the drugs doesn’t make sense. On drugs what whole time? Her whole time at school? The whole time she started to act strangely? Not clear. And what became worse? The way she was acting? It really leaves interpretation wide open, and as an author, I don’t want to do that. I’ve heard so-called artists say, “Well, I’m leaving it up to the viewer/reader to decide what it means.” It’s a bunch of bull. Whenever I hear that I think, “You don’t know what it means, either, so-called artist.” You, the creator, must know what idea you are relating to the viewer/reader. It can be subtle or hit-‘em-over-the-head, but the idea must be available to understand.

Okay, off my soapbox. Next in this piece is a mention of the grandmother and something she said. We sure could use reminding. What was it the grandma was saying that relates to this? Don’t make us go back several pages to locate the quote ourselves. Tell us. Now.

The mentioned tests confuse me. Why does it matter? Don’t students usually see their grade and recycle those papers (maybe keeping the best ones to prove to their future children they aren’t inept after all)? How are they to prepare others for what might come? I wish I could get into y teen mind to understand what I meant, but unfortunately I can’t. So I’d get rid of that last paragraph altogether when I went to do my revision.

So here is what you, the writer, needs to consider: 1) Is my setting clear? 2) Is my POV character obvious? 3) Does everything make sense? 4) Are the other characters in my story acting appropriately? 5) Am I showing what’s happening in the scene instead of simply informing the reader?  6) Are there any –ly adverbs I can remove? 7) Does the reader need any information reiterated from previous chapters because it may have been forgotten? 8) Am I using the wrong vocabulary to effectively dramatize my scene?

When you check your scenes for clarity, remind yourself that the reader will not automatically understand your characters and their motivations. You must make it clear without being too obvious. Your characters may not understand why they do the things they do, but you need to know and make sure they act accordingly. Good luck!

Spelling error answers:

Even when he noticed nobody payed any attention to Rellie’s moods anymore… (should be paid.)

They say he became ruder and ruder to her everyday… (should be every day.)